A Short Summary of the Essay "How to Avoid an Argument" by Sam Horn

How to Avoid an Argument by Sam Horn

About the Author:
Sam Horn is an American author and an expert in Communication Skills. She has trained many businessmen and officers on how to communicate effectively. She is known for bringing out new techniques in the field of Communication Skills. She has written a book entitled ‘Tongue Fu: How to Deflect, Disarm and Diffuse any Verbal Conflict’. Sam Horn shows us how to control our emotions and avoid arguments.

Summary of the Essay:
    In the present essay, the writer speaks about some techniques of avoiding arguments. Her advice helps us put an end to ugly situations with children, spouses, colleagues and others. The writer uses simple everyday situations to illustrate her point. According to her effective communication is simply a matter of the right choice of words.
    At the beginning of the essay the writer gives her own example. She, with her son, goes to an ice cream parlour to buy some ice-cream. The place is very crowded and the girl in the shop is struggling to complete the orders of the customers. When the writer puts her order, the girl is irritated but the writer keeps her cool and enquirers about the girl. The girl’s hostility is melted and she becomes friendly with the author. This example shows that you can avoid arguments by keeping yourself in the other person’s shoes.
    The writer gives her advice by telling us three techniques to avoid arguments. The first technique is ‘handle hassels with humour’. The writer gives two examples to prove her point. A tall, young man is irritated by the questions of the people about his height and his mother suggest him to wear t-shirts where funny quotations are printed on the t-shirts. When people look at his t-shirts they feel to laugh.
    In another situation, the workers at US Income Tax Office displayed some cartoons on the notice boards. These cartoons make fun of the Income Tax Office and when people look at them their mood is changed for the good.
    The second technique is ‘when people complain, don't explain’. The writer gives two examples; one of a telephone operator and other of a receptionist. The telephone operator does not give explanation to an angry caller. Instead, he apologies and promises the caller to do whatever he can. The receptionist avoids an argument with a patient who has been waiting at reception for quite a long time. She says sorry to him and acknowledges his frustration and anger. She also promises him to contact the doctor immediately. If the receptionist would have given an explanation, the patient would have got angrier and their argument resulted in worse situation.
    The third technique to avoid argument is ‘exit gracefully’. It means you do not participate in an argument. A young man has gone to his father-in-law for dinner. They discuss the topic of construction of the highways and the young man expresses his concern that the construction of highway has stopped. This makes his father-in-law angry and he warns his son-in-law that he cannot stop progress. The father-in-law leaves the dining table saying that he cannot listen to nonsense talk at his own dinner table. Afterwards, the young man feels sorry and thought that he would have avoided an argument by saying ‘Let’s agree to disagree’ or ‘We both are right’. One must remember a Russian proverb; ‘A spoken word flies; you won’t catch it’.
    The writer also gives an example of a couple who are having argument over how to discipline their teenager child. Both want the same thing but their ways are different. In this situation they can avoid argument by saying, ‘Hey, we both want the same thing’ and ‘We both are right’. The writer has experienced a situation where she was asked her opinion on the election of the governor. The writer does not want to take side. So, she simply says, ‘Leave me out of this one’. In this way, she exits gracefully from an ugly situation. At the end of the essay, the writer says that the arguments are a waste of time and a misuse of time. By avoiding fruitless arguments, everybody wins.
 

   

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